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The Diamond Souls: A TG Community's Journal
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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in The Diamond Souls: A TG Community's LiveJournal:

Monday, August 16th, 2004
7:04 am
(OOC--Since neither Motoki or Rei have posted yet, any post that I would make as Mamoru would consist of him essentially standing around and waiting. So, I'll wait a day or two more before posting.)
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
4:31 am
Pieces of me
Well, we rarely write what is in our heads, our truths cause us pain and we hide it away.

Doubts, I have many, troubles too many.

Is there a point, to this??

I cant even cut myself properly, so how can I let others know?

forget it

Current Mood: crushed
Monday, December 15th, 2003
11:06 pm
So... yeah.
I'm new here. FtM, just accepting it last night but it's been a... a plague since I was young. Before I was young, when I was tiny, it wasn't so much. I was just a little kid.

I wish I could go back to that.

So... I'm here now. I wasn't planning on chosing a masculine name but my given one doesn't feel right. Slept on it, had a dream, got Joshua. Long story short.

Long story long, the dream was thus: I was lost in a snowstorm. I remember that I was not particularly afraid, or cold. I was wearing a plain black sweater or sweatshirt, white jeans and hiking boots. My best friend was searching for me; he was screaming for me, but he was calling the name, "Joshua." I kept trying to respond, but I couldn't speak.

My best friend doesn't know about this. I'm terrified to tell him. Nor does my boyfriend. My fear of telling b/f is simply that he's not very tolerant, and this would be a death sentence to us. Why I'm so scared to tell my friend, though, I don't know. He's the most open-minded, loving, caring person I know. He would never condemn or judge me... but... I can't help feeling our friendship would change. Dramatically.

So I'm here. That's... just about all, folks. For now at least. Hiya. *waves*
Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
10:59 pm
Something to think about
Not to seem mean or anything, but next time you feel hopeless and horrible, think of the poor girl I know who's arms are less than half their normal length and has only three fingers on one hand, and four on the other. At least our problem can be solved. It would be impossible to fix her problem. Think of all the things we do with our arms. At least our bodies are completely functioning. Just something to think about...
Thursday, December 4th, 2003
5:53 pm
Someday I want an FtM TG boyfriend.

And he'd be sweet and pretty as a girl, but rendering onto me that status.

That is all.
Friday, November 28th, 2003
4:48 pm
Wednesday, November 26th, 2003
6:33 pm
I won't try to hide it. I'm jealous of every girl I know. When I hear a girl complain about how she doesn't like her appearance or she is afraid she is fat or whatever, I'm tempted to just cry because no matter how bad she feels, I'd still take what she has over whatever I have. Thats part of why I was frustrated with my former friend Sally a lot. I realize that is insensetive in many ways, but its the truth. OK, one exception -- my Aunt who I'm always complaining about who is fat, hairy, lazy, gaseous, chain-smoking and smelly. She seriously tests this standard, and really pisses me off partially because she insults the male sex for the very same things she does.

But anyways, back to rant... There is one thing that gives me pause. When I make a female character in an RPG, online or otherwise, and I'm given the responsibility for her creation. What an intimate experience for a person like me. My own hands craft a beautiful woman! And it presents an additional internal conflict. If I always bend over backwards for the women in my life (I'm extremely polite with them, and I feel EXTREMELY guilty if I have to spend a lot of time around a girl -- I don't know why that is) then what happens... When the only way for a beautiful girl I respect to exist is to become her? What if the only way to honor her is to exist as her? I'm serious when I say that this feeling brings me to tears. Tears of intense repressed joy mix with tears of fright and intense shame.

I guess this is part of the reason I'm so tomboyish as far as TGs go. I don't feel I deserve any better so I resolve to be a boyish girl (assuming I have to be a girl at all). This is also a root for my obsessions because if a figure like Leena comes in and changes the rules then I'm not at fault.

Someday I wish I won't feel ashamed. Maybe someday I'll be seen as sweet and girlish and be loved for that. I feel expressing this on Diamond Souls is the first step... I just wish... I just wish I could love myself.

Thanks for your hard work time reading this.
Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
10:18 am
I don't think Elfir could ever know how much much this sprite means to me. Well, she will if she decided to join/read this community, but thats beside the point. Though she said she only took a few minutes making it, its given me greatly more pleasure than anything else that took only a few minutes. For one thing, she was working on her vision of me through online interaction. She got the clothes exactly right too, when all I said was that I needed a blue jacket.

What really hit me in the heart was the hair. She somehow remembered from our meeting in real life exactly what kind of hairstyle I had and what kind of... stature... I had about myself. This sprite is, in many ways, my ideal self more than any icon I've ever used in the past as it does not lie about me. Actually, thats a very beautiful thing about sprites in general. They never lie, they only imply.

In many ways, such an accurate sprite is less the fruit beared of such a friendship as it is a gauge of how long and meaningful such a friendship was.
Monday, November 24th, 2003
6:45 pm
hey *Waves*
Well like I said on the other thingy... not realy TG. I'm here becose a lot of my friends are and just wana be able to offer suport to them and anyone else that may post here..... I just wana help.... Not to good at helping really... though people say i am of some help anyway.. don't know.... BUT.. I will listen to you if you need to talk about something....

Anyway... welcome to anyone that shows up here, and I'll try to help out where and when I can.
5:19 pm
Uh... welcome and all that stuff!

The community doesn't have an icon or a customized layout yet, obviously. I decided that it wasn't for me to choose those -- I'm merely the maintainer, the community is it's own entity. If anyone has a specific layout suggestion or icons to submit, share them and we'll put it to a vote.

So... yeah... welcome to Diamond Souls!

Current Mood: accomplished
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